


I Don’t Wanna Go!

by Tonystarkisaslut



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Dies, M/M, Not Romance, Not Steve Rogers Friendly, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:33:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23448589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tonystarkisaslut/pseuds/Tonystarkisaslut
Summary: idek what this is. Somehow the Avengers are captured and turned into like gladiators kinda. Like with the Grandmaster from Ragnarok.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Peter Parker, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 13
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Bucky dies and Peter is really sad about it

Tony wakes slowly, groaning as his head is pounding. “Wha-“

“Oh thank god,” he hears. He looks up, blinking rapidly. Steve. Steve shackled to the wall. Wait. “We were scared you weren’t gonna wake up.”

Tony looks around, squinting. Everything hurts. As he looks around, he sees the entire team staring back at him. “What the fuck?”

Natasha snorts. “We don’t know either. The mission was going great until… until it wasn’t.”

Tony grunts, taking stock. He’s in his underwear, as is everyone else. Which is great. Steve is to his right, and Bucky beside him and so on. Peter is on his left, and-

“Peter?!”

Peter blushes, smiling sheepishly. “Surprise?”

Tony groans. “Stop being a stow away! Twice, twice you have followed me off earth to-“

“Everyone was going! I’m an avenger too, I deserve to-“

“Yeah, and Peter, we all voted you would be the one to stay home and protect earth while we were away!”

“Vision and Wanda stayed instead, they got this-“

“Oh my god they’re not here?! The two people who had a chance of getting us out?”

Peter hangs his head in shame. “I’m sorry. This is all my fault…”

Tony sighs, about to take it back but then the door opens and a… what the hell is that? It looks humanoid kinda… except it’s mouth is way too wide, it’s skin is pale red, and it looks like it has an extra finger on both hands. “Ah, finally all awake. Kïpachär does not take kindly to people attempting to steal our resources.”

Tony groans, shaking his head. “We don’t want any resources. We had a mission on the next planet over, we were just hiding here for a small break before we went back.”

“Oh, I see,” the creature says, grin impossibly wide. Ew. “You thought you could bring the danger to our planet, then. That’s much better, thanks for clarifying.”

Tony sighs and slams his head against the wall. “Okay, what do you want? Money? Protection? Technology? An apology? Just tell us what you want so we can go back to our mission.”

The thing snarls, stepping closer. “I don’t take kindly to orders,” it says. It looks around the circle, taking out a stick from underneath their robes.

Tony sighs. “I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to order you or whatever.”

The thing smacks the stick against his cheek, and Tony gasps. Peter and Bucky cry out, both hating seeing Tony in pain.

The thing smirks at the newfound information. “These two… they are important to you,” it states.

Tony grits his teeth. His pseudo son and his boyfriend being interesting in this thing’s eyes is probably not a good thing. “What do you want? Please, let us give you something. We didn’t mean any harm.”

The thing smirks. “You will give me something. Which of these two do you love more?” It asks, pulling Bucky and Peter forward by the hair. Peter cries out in fear, and Tony’s gut clenches.

“Stop, please! Please, you can have me instead, I’m the leader!”

The thing tsks. “Decide quickly, leader, or you won’t like the outcome.”

Tony cries out, shaking his head. “Please, don’t hurt them! They didn’t do anything wrong, it was me-“

“Suit yourself,” the thing says. It unchains them both, and Tony is starting to panic. It pushes Bucky and Peter to their knees, and several other guards come. “Get them ready for the fight. And start the recording.”

Peter cries out, starting to shake as a very sharp stick is thrust into his arms. “Wait-“

Bucky understands first. His jaw clenches, and he holds his own stick close to his chest. “Peter,”

“I don’t wanna go!” Peter cries, turning to Tony. “Please Mr. Stark, I don’t want to go! I’m scared! I don’t want to die!”

Tony is fighting back tears. “You won’t, Peter. You won’t die.”

Peter sobs and holds the stick. “You don’t know that! What if they put me against some alien creature that’s so much stronger than me-“

The aliens come back and take them into seperate rooms, Peter screaming and crying all the way.

Once they’re out of sight, Tony finally lets loose a whimper of pain. “He’s gonna die,” Tony whispers.

Steve looks close to tears himself. “Yeah. Yeah he is,” he agrees. “Stupid son of a bitch,” he says, slamming his head against the wall.

Tony closes his eyes, lower lip wobbling. “God dammit.”

~

Peter sobs as he’s forced out of his new room, completely naked now instead of in just his underwear. He holds the stick tightly to his chest, scared of whatever beast they’re going to release into the arena with him.

So he’s understandably very confused when an equally naked Bucky Barnes with a stick is let out of the other side of the arena.

“One of you will be the sacrifice for the trouble your leader caused us. You will fight to the death, and the winner will leave with the others. If the match lasts longer than an hours time, I will kill you both and all of your crew mates. Begin!”

Realization dawns on Peter, and his face pales. He can’t defeat the Winter Soldier. He doesn’t have his suit, and he and Bucky are the same level of strength. _Except Bucky has a metal arm_. He sobs as he realizes—he’s going to die. He’s never going to see May again, or Ned or MJ. He’s never going to watch star wars again, he’s never going to be an avenger again. He doesn’t even get to say goodbye.

Oh god. May. She’s going to be all alone, she’s going to have lost everything and everyone.

_He’s going to die._

Bucky is approaching him quickly, and Peter shakes his head in fear. “No, please, I don’t wanna die, please don’t kill me Mr. Barnes, I’m-“

Buck smiles sadly at him, raising the stick to be pointed at the kid. “Just try your best, okay? Pretend I’m the bad guy. Take me down, Parker.”

Peter sobs, fear alight in his heart. He nods, and blocks the first attack. He blocks and blocks and jumps away and-

“Peter,” Bucky says softly. So softly, Peter can only hear because of his senses. “Peter, you have to take me down, okay? If you take too long, they’re going to kill the rest of them. Take me down.”

And suddenly in clicks.

“I… I have to kill you?” He whispers, eyes shining with Unshed tears. “You weren’t ever going to kill me…”

Bucky chuckles softly, lunging and missing Peter. Now Peter can see how much he is holding back. “You have a whole life to live, kid. I’m 101.”

Peter swings and misses Bucky, lower lip wobbling. “But what about Mr. Stark? He loves you, you’re gonna get married and-“

Bucky hits him with the non sharp side of the stick, and Peter whimpers. “He loves you more, kid. You’re like his son.”

“I don’t want to be a murderer,” Peter whispers as he hits Bucky back, making the older man grunt.

Bucky grazes Peter’s arm with the pointy end, making the kid bleed a little. “You won’t be. If you do this, you save the rest of the Avengers’ lives.”

“You could do that too!” Peter cries, bouncing away. “Please don’t make me do this!”

Bucky knocks Peter to the ground, watching as the kid rolls back up on his feet. “Think of Tony, kid. He needs you.”

Peter sobs, hands shaking. “I-“

“You have ten minutes remaining, gladiators. I’ll start by killing this one- say hello pet.”

Steve grunts over the speakers. “Just end this already, jerk! You know what you have to do, so _do_ it! Kill him already!”

Bucky’s eyes wet with tears, and he lets out a shaky breath. “Love you too, punk,” he mutters. “Come on Peter. Please just do it. I don’t wanna hear my best friend die, okay?”

Peter sobs, knocking Bucky’s feet out from under him, and pointing the stick at Bucky’s chest. He’s shaking so violently; he can’t do this. He just can’t, he-

“Hey,” Bucky says, smiling up at Peter. And it’s so genuine it _hurts_. “Hey. It’s okay. You’re already forgiven, okay? It’s okay. Just do it.”

“Bucky,” Peter sobs, tensing his muscles.

Bucky nods in encouragement. “You can do it. You can do it, come on. Make it quick, I won’t even feel any pain. I promise. It’s okay. You’re okay. Come on. You got this. You can do it.”

Peter sobs, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. “I’m so _sorry_ ,” he whispers, before pushing it in.

Bucky’s breath catches, but he tries to hide his pain as much as possible. He doesn’t want to make it any worse for Peter. He coughs up some blood, but forces a smile. “Thank…. you…” he whispers.

Peter cries out, hugging Bucky and petting his hair. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I’m here. I’m s-sorry. You’re okay. You can go now, okay? You c-can go. I’m sorry. I Love you, Bucky, I’m sorry.”

Bucky’s heart finally stops, and Peter breaks down even harder on top of the man. He cries so hard he can’t hear the cheering, the announcer saying he won. He can’t hear the rest of his team coming to get him.

He passes out before they get to him.

~

Steve is inconsolable. He’s watched Bucky die too many times at this point. Natasha and Sam and Thor are comforting him.

Tony stares out the window of the ship, silent tears falling down his face. Bruce and Rhodey and Clint are with him.

Peter sits in the back, alone, except for Bucky’s body. He can’t stop staring at it.

He murdered Bucky Barnes.

He’s a murderer.

Steve hates his guts. Tony does too, Peter is sure of that. No one has come to console Peter. They all hate him, he’s _sure_ of it.

Maybe one day, they’ll all hate him enough to trump how much he hates himself.

He brushes Bucky’s hair out of his face, tears still cascading in a waterfall down his cheeks. He hasn’t stopped crying since it happened.

He sniffles, leaning down and kissing Bucky’s temple. “You were wrong,” Peter whispers into Bucky’s ear. “They all wanted you to win. They all wanted _me_ to die.” Peter pulls back, squeezing Bucky’s hand softly. “You should have killed me.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath. A requested sequel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOT STEVE ROGERS FRIENDLY

After the funeral, it was like a switch was flipped.

Tony started drinking again. Peter hears him waking up from nightmares screaming, and he knows Bucky isn’t there to help him anymore.

He tried helping one night. But he only made it worse. Tony tried so hard to hide it, Peter knows, but it still showed. All Tony can see, when he looks at Peter, is the boy shoving the stick into Bucky’s chest.

So he stopped going to help after that.

Tony tried, he really did. He said he doesn’t blame Peter. That he’s glad that Peter did it, that he’s so grateful he didn’t have to bury his son. He hugged Peter, held his hand at the funeral. Sat with Peter a lot, rubbed his shoulders sometimes. Said it wasn’t Peter’s fault and that Peter shouldn’t feel guilty.

But Tony is drinking again. After 5 years of being sober, he’s getting drunk at 8 in the morning. He avoids sleep as much as possible, because of the nightmares. He can’t go into Bucky’s room. He stares at where Bucky used to sit in the living room.

Peter even caught him, one time, holding Bucky’s metal hand. Like Bucky was alive and sitting next to him. Tony had his eyes closed, one hand interlocked with Bucky’s, and one hand holding a tumbler.

And Peter can’t.

He cries himself to sleep every night, alone. He screams himself awake from nightmares, knowing no one is going to come and comfort him. The only person who even tried to at first is always drunk now.

And the nightmares are fucking killing him.

Tame ones are just his brain replaying the event for him. Over and over. A little worse is the scene going a bit differently; maybe Bucky begging for his life instead of begging Peter to kill him. Maybe it’s Tony he’s killing instead. Or May. Or Ben. The worst though, don’t take place on in the arena.

The worst ones are Tony screaming at Peter. Screaming at him, saying “it should have been you” or something along those lines. The worst is Bucky coming back to life, a zombie, staring at Peter. “You did this to me,” it whispers over and over and over. The worst is him walking into the lab, seeing Tony dead on his table because he drank too much.

Natasha spends all her time comforting Steve. So do Sam and Thor and Wanda snd Clint. Steve has been trying to shake them off, going to the gym and throwing himself into missions.

Rhodey and Bruce comfort Tony. Vision too.

No one notices Peter falling apart. Or maybe they do, and they just don’t care. Maybe they’re glad he’s broken maybe they think he deserves it.

Peter thinks he does.

~

Peter sits on top of where Bucky is buried, staring at the tomb stone. He’s crying, and he knows he’s crying, but he doesn’t really care.

“You were so wrong,” Peter whispers. “Tony doesn’t need me. He doesn’t want me. He pushes me away, he looks at me and he sees you dying in my arms.”

Silence. Because Bucky is _dead_ , because Peter killed him.

“And Steve hates my guts. You should see it, you would laugh,” he lets out his own broken laugh, wiping away his tears. “You always laughed when he looked angry. You said he looked like a teddy bear trying to be scary.”

Silence. The wind picks up a little, and Peter smiles and closes his eyes. He pretends it’s Bucky laughing with him.

He sniffles, opening his eyes again. “I love you, Bucky. Everyone always talked about how Tony is like my dad but… you were my dad too.”

More wind, and Peter wraps his arms around himself to keep warm. “I never got to tell you, though. I was so… it’s so stupid to think about now, but I was so nervous. I thought you would reject me.”

Peter clears his throat, standing up. “I wish you had killed me. I wish you knew how much I love you. How much everyone here loves you.”

~

A month after it happens, Tony is trying to move on. He’s stopped drinking. Started working. He tries to sleep each night.

It isn’t perfect, but it’s better than before.

They’ve backed off of Steve too. Which is a bad thing, because Steve is not trying to move on.

~

Peter is on his way back from the grave yard. He goes there every day, to talk to Bucky. Sometimes he tells Bucky about his day. Sometimes he just cries and wishes Bucky could hug him. Sometimes he tells Bucky about how sad he is. About how he wishes Bucky had killed him.

It’s weird, Peter is sure. But he can’t bring himself to care about that.

Unfortunately, today, Steve catches him.

Steve pushes Peter into the wall harshly, and Peter whimpers in slight pain. He looks up at Steve in fear. “I know what you’ve been doing, you disrespectful little brat!” Steve yells in his face.

Peter gasps, eyes widening. “I’m s-sorry, I didn’t mean-“

“You think you get to grieve him? You think you get to be a little attention whore, wanting everyone to feel bad for the fucking _murderer_?!”

Peter’s lower lip wobbles. It’s like his nightmares come to life. “Steve, I-“ he gasps loudly as Steve smack him across the face. His eyes fill with tears, and he fights the urge to hold his stinging cheek.

“You should have been the one to die,” Steve snarls. “No one gives a shit about you, no one _cares_ about you. No one was cheering for you, and no one wants you alive. Bucky had people who needed him, and you took him!”

Peter whimpers like a kicked puppy, tears streaming down his face. It isn’t anything he hasn’t told himself already, but it hurts. It fucking hurts. “I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“You’re gonna be,” Steve warns. “Stay away from him. Stay away from all of us.” He shoves Peter into the wall once more before stalking off.

Peter slides down the wall once he’s gone, whimpering and holding his cheek. Later, when he moves back in with May, he promises he’ll pay rent and buy his own food, so he won’t be a burden to her. May seems confused, but assume Stark is gonna be the one paying for it anyway, so she lets him.

~

It’s been a week, and no one seems to have noticed his absence. He doesn’t know why he hoped they would.

But Peter can’t stand it. He’s so alone. He misses Tony, and he misses Bucky, and he misses not seeing May looking so stressed out.

Even she wants him gone.

He breaks, and he goes to Bucky’s grave. It’s 3 am, and he doesn’t think anyone will notice he’s here.

He sits on the grave, not saying anything for a long time. Before he whimpers, breaking down into sobs. “I love you. I’m so sorry I-“ he sobs and hugs the gravestone. “I’m so sorry I killed you. I should have killed myself, I should have been smart. I should have been less scared. I should have… I’m so sorry, Bucky.”

The next thing he knows, he’s being yanked up by the back of his shirt, and turned around to face a very angry looking Steve Rogers. “M-Mr. Rogers, I thought… oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t think you would-“

“I told you to stay away,” Steve growls.

Peter whimpers, shaking his head. “I promise I won’t come back, I just wanted to say goodbye-“ he gasps loudly.

Steve Rogers just punched him in the face.

Pain explodes across his cheek. He wouldn’t be surprised if his cheek bone is cracked. He doesn’t have time to cry about it though, because Steve is hitting him again. And again. And again and-

And Peter whimpers, trying to protect his face. Steve hits his stomach instead, and then his ribs. Peter falls to the ground and Steve starts kicking him all over, as hard as his super soldier self can.

Peter thinks getting hit by a train hurt less.

Peter stays on the ground, next to Bucky’s grave. Beaten to a pulp, bleeding and aching all over.

Steve growls at him. “You’re nothing. No one wants you, no one would miss you if you were dead. Fucking, _everyone_ hates you. You should have been the one to die. You should be dead!” And then he stomps off.

Peter stays curled into a ball, having a hard time breathing. He’s pretty sure at least one lung collapsed because of his broken ribs. He might puke, and there’s probably going to be blood in it from bleeding internally. His face feels like it got smashed into a million pieces. He’s pretty sure his femur is broken from when Steve stomped on it.

He thinks to himself, it isn’t enough. He isn’t hurting enough, he isn’t broken enough, he isn’t _dead_ enough.

So, Peter closes his eyes and hopes he doesn’t wake up.

~

Of course, though, he’s being punished by the universe. So he lives.

He wakes up alone on the grave, feeling broken in every sense of the word.

He crawls his way to his feet, whimpering when he puts _any_ weight on his broken leg. He feels like he might pass out again.

When he steps into the lobby of the building, he doesn’t expect Mr. Happy and Mr. Stark to be there, on their way out somewhere he would guess.

Peter stops and pales, breath hitching. He knows he must look god awful. His face pummeled in, his leg bent unnaturally, his arm holding his side because it hurts so bad.

“ _Peter_?” Tony breathes, eyes wide with horror.

Happy clenches his jaw. “I’ll get the car,” he says.

Tony runs over to Peter, instantly taking most of his wake. “Oh my god- Peter what _happened_ to you?!”

Peter whimpers, looking up at Tony with pained eyes. “I’m s-sorry. I really did try to die, Mr. Stark, I promise. I know you want me gone, I know you h-hate me, and I- if you just l-let me go, I can-“

“No!” Tony cuts him off, horrified. “No, Peter! I don’t want you to die, I don’t hate you- oh my _god_ Peter!”

Peter feels tears well up in his swollen eyes, and he leans more heavily on Tony. “I don’t feel so good, Mr. Stark,” he whispers, eyes finally shutting after all the effort.

“I know, kid. I know. Come on, Happy has the car. We have to get you to the hospital, okay?” And if Tony Stark’s voice breaks in fear, no one else needs to know.

~

The next time Peter wakes up, Tony is sitting beside him, holding his non-broken hand.

Peter whimpers as he takes stock of himself. His face has a lot of bandages on it. His leg is in a cast, and so is one of his hands. He has no shirt, but he does have enough gauze around it to be a pretend shirt. He’s hooked up to three IVs, and he thinks there’s also a catheter.

He turns his head to look at Tony, and almost wishes he hadn’t. Tony is crying, he’s crying a lot, and Peter thought Tony was getting _better_ …

“Misser… Sark…”

Tony looks up, gasping. “Oh, oh thank god. You were in surgery for so long…”

Peter sighs sadly, blinking slowly. “‘M sorry…”

Tony shakes his head, petting Peter’s hair. “Nothing to apologize for Peter. Just… tell me what happened, Peter? Please?”

The boy sniffs, wincing as it hurts his broken nose. “He… He told me to stay away, and I didn’t. It was my fault. I just… I just wanted…” Peter whimpers in pain again, his good hand rubbing against his sore jaw. “Jus wan’ed ‘oo say goo’bye,” he whispers.

Tony looks absolutely horrified. “Who? Who told you that?”

Peter looks at him in confusion, letting go of his jaw again. “Steve did. I… he told me what you really felt. And…” his split lower lip wobbles, and he feels tears building again. “And ‘m sorry. ‘M sorry I didn’t die sooner, ‘m sorry I didn’t die.”

Tony’s face switches from horror to pure anger so fast that Peter can hear his own heart monitor quickening as he gets scared. “Steve said… Steve told you _what_?”

Peter sniffles again, shaking in his place slightly. He really hopes Mr. Stark won’t hurt him some more. He deserves it, but he thinks he might get in trouble if they catch him. “He… he said you hate me. That you wish Bucky killed me instead, and that you’ll never forgive me for taking him from you. He said I should leave, so you don’t have to look at me anymore.” Peter rubs his jaw again, whining at the aching. “I just wanted to say goodbye before I left. I… I shouldn’t have, I see that now. I should have just done it and gotten it over with.”

Tony looks like he’s about to commit murder, and Peter can’t hide his fear. He knows he deserves to die, and he even _wants_ to die… but he’s still scared. He’s such a baby, always being so scared.

Peter sniffles and closes his eyes, breathing heavily as he tries to calm himself. “I’m sorry,” he whispers.

Suddenly, Tony is hugging him. He’s hugging him, and crying into his shoulder and-

_And what the fuck is happening?!_

Tony pulls back, wiping his tears and petting Peter’s face. “ ** _No_**. No, Peter, none of that is true. I don’t wish you had lost. I don’t wish you were dead. I _don’t_ hate you. I don’t _blame_ you. Peter, baby, it was _not_ your fault! You didn’t kill Bucky,” his voice breaks, but he clears his throat and keeps going. “ _They_ did. If you didn’t kill him, Bucky would have killed himself. There’s no way in hell he would have let you die while he lived instead, kid. You’re a _kid_ , Peter! You’re _my_ kid, you’re _our_ kid-“ his voice breaks again, and he shakes his head.

Peter’s eyes go wide, and he tears up. “You… you really… you don’t want me to die?”

Tony shakes his head. “No, sweetheart. I’m sorry I took too long to recover from… but baby, you’re my kid. I would have, and I still would, choose you over Bucky, over anyone else in the whole god damn world, kid. God I- I should have realized how guilty it would make you feel. I didn’t even think- I’m so sorry, kiddo.”

Peter breaks down into sobs, grabbing onto Tony with his good hand and refusing to let go. “I miss him, dad. I need him, we _need_ him, I-“

“Sh,” Tony says softly, petting Peter’s hair back. “I know. I know. I’m sorry, kid, I was so shitty to you this month and a half. I was so shitty to you, I… god. I’m so sorry. I really hope you can forgive me Peter. I should have been there for you.”

Peter sobs and holds onto him as tight as he can, being as broken as he is. “You still love me?”

Tony pulls back and nods, petting Peter’s hair. “I do, kid. I do love you. I’m sorry I disappeared on you…” Tony stands up, clearing his throat. “Are you okay? May will be here the second her shift ends.”

Peter winces but nods. “I’m okay… do you have to go?”

Tony hesitates. “I want to kill Cap, honestly. Or at least punish him, for hurting you.”

Peter smiles shakily. “Don’t kill him. He’ll get to see Bucky again before you.”

Tony laughs, eyes crinkling in a smile. “That’s a good point, kiddo. I’ll be back, okay? And then we can talk about all this… guilt and neglect with a therapist later. Okay?”

Peter smiles shyly and nods.

For the first time since _it_ happened… he doesn’t feel alone.


End file.
